My oldest daughter became an adult on Christmas Eve of 2021. I can't even begin to tell you about the different range of emotions that this event came with. I was so proud that we had made it to this point. I know that this is not the end of me being a parent, but a new beginning. I couldn't help but think to myself we did it! I was 18 when I had her. I was a baby and scared out of my mind. I knew I was about to become responsible for a tiny human life. I could barely take care of myself.
When I found out that I was pregnant, I knew I had options. I could have had an abortion. I could have given her up for adoption. I hadn't finished school and I had no idea what I was going to do with my life. One thing I did know was, I wanted to keep my baby. I didn't know how I was going to do it but I knew I was going to. Her father and I grew up FAST! We had to. I had to learn a lot on my own. I honestly don't think anything can prepare you for parenthood. It's one of those things you just have to go through and you get on the job training. I do feel as though parent coaches or even classes for young parents would be incredibly beneficial. I honestly wish I would have had access to something like that all those years ago. At any rate, we survived. I kept her alive. We grew and learned together. There were huge disadvantages to becoming a teen mother. Doubt, fear, depression. Not being prepared nor having my finances in order or my future planned. Learning was HUGE. But I learned a lot and there are some experiences that stand out more than others.
You can still finish school!
I hadn't finished high school when I found out I was pregnant. In fact, I was coming up on my senior year. I was embarrassed and didn't want to face potential judgement from others. I remember starting high school and seeing the older students who had become pregnant. I thought to myself that would never be me. See what happens when you pass judgement? But hey, we're human right? I knew that I wanted to finish school though. That was never an option. I couldn't imagine being a teen mom with no education. Not saying that you can't make it but that would have made things even more difficult than they already were. I found a home school program in which I was able to do my school work at home and do testing at the campus. I was able to work full time during this as well. I got my diploma and went on to get my Bachelor's Degree and then my Master's. So yes, you can finish school. Was it easy? NO WAY! But was it worth it? Definitely! You know how they say, you can do anything you set your mind to? You really can! With focus, dedication and will power, you've got this!
You have time to have more children.
There's almost an 8 year gap between my oldest daughter and my second daughter. We spent the first seven and a half years with it being us. She taught me how to be selfless. She taught me patience (well sometimes). She taught me the meaning of unconditional love. She also taught me that I loved being a mom and I didn't want her to grow up without any siblings. I knew I had what it took to do this again. I'm glad that I did wait to have another child though. I admire those moms that do the "stair step" thing but I felt that was not for me at all. You don't have to rush it. I didn't really think about running out of time. I knew when I was ready I could add to my family. Which I did, four girls total!
I'm the big sister, Or so people think!
It's so funny when my girls and I are out. Picture it, me, five feet even and 114 pounds. I've been told on several occasions that, "You can't be their mom," "You're so nice for taking your sisters out for breakfast," "Where are your parents?", and "You look so young, what do you use on your skin?". It used to bother me, but now that I'm 37, I welcome the compliments. It feels good to know that "I've still got it, " in a sense.
It takes a village, and I'm grateful for mine!
Having children isn't easy no matter what age you are. I have learned that it does take a village. I'm so grateful for mine, because a lot of people don't have that. I'm surrounded by family that I can call whenever I need help. From getting them when I can't, to allowing them to quarantine at their home during Covid (thanks mom) to babysitting so I don't have to worry about daycare (thanks grandma and my mother in law). I get knowledge and wisdom from my elders who have been there and raised children. Their input is invaluable. Yes, my village is full of wonderful people. If you can, please find your village!
Anymore parents out there that started young? What did you learn?
Until next time, sending you all peace, love, and abundance.
Tiffany Underwood
Certified Birth and Postpartum Doula
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