I didn't have an issue with anxiety growing up or at least I didn't think that I did. I was used to being around people who had anxiety and/or depression. But not me. I always thought I would be able to handle life and anything that came my way. My first marriage was falling apart. I realized I was about to be the single mother of two children. While I knew I would have help from my family, my life as I knew it was coming to an end. I started to question myself about everything. I started having racing thoughts and sleepless nights. My heart would race and my palms would sweat. Did I mention I couldn't turn my thoughts off? I was dealing with some really serious anxiety. What is anxiety exactly? In a nut shell it's having thoughts of worry and fear about life pretty much on a constant basis.
I went on like this for a while. I didn't want to admit that something was "wrong" with me. Especially me being a black woman, this topic is considered off limits. We don't address those things, we keep it moving. We figure it out. We're "strong". It took me making some really drastic changes in my life, that I really should have thought through, before I realized I needed help. It wasn't about what everyone else thought. I had to get my life in order. As the mother of four children, I owed it to them and myself to live better. After a lot of therapy and a lot of work on myself (which I'm still working on daily) I've come up with some things that work for me.
Don't "Spread" Your Anxiety
Hear me out. Have you ever noticed that when you're anxious you can also cause those around you to become anxious too? I realized that when my girls noticed that I was anxious they would seem to worry because I was worried. We try to hide our issues from our children, but we must realized that they know EVERYTHING. They are definitely tiny sponges, they soak up everything, including your energy. I have gotten to the point where I'm able to better deal with my anxiety and realize that it is indeed my anxiety. I don't have to transfer that to anyone else.
Repeat after me, "I accept my anxiety!"
Okay, you feel anxious? Guess what? There is nothing wrong with that. The longer you try to avoid the feeling and act like nothing is "there", the longer you are putting off ways to get through it. Take me for example, I hate public bathrooms. When I say HATE, I mean HATE. I will hold that tinkle until I get home. But being a mom, when we're out and about, one of them will have to use the restroom.( I know what you're saying, tell them to go before we leave the house, that doesn't always work) I used to get so mad. I would literally act like a child about taking them. My anxiety had me in fear. Because I didn't want to use a public restroom, I didn't want them to either. I was triggered but that's not fair to them. I've gotten to the point where now when they ask, I don't get upset at them because of my anxiety, I talk things over in my head and I'm able take them with no problem. I'm able to say that I feel anxious about it, but I'm okay. I know I can make it through this. And it's better to let them go instead of having to clean up pee. Trust me, I know. Don't judge me!
Limitations
As someone living with anxiety, I've had to learn to set limitations. I've had to learn to really listen to my body and know when I'm tired or irritable. I've learned that it's okay not to push myself to the limit. If I can't do it, I just can't do it. It's okay to sit down, It's okay to take a break, it's okay to do absolutely nothing. There were times when I felt like I had to keep pushing myself to do more, to go further, or to say yes to things that I really didn't want to do. Doing this only made my anxiety worse. Others may think having limitations or setting boundaries is weak, but guess what, it isn't, it's necessary!
Help!
I spent years suffering in silence because I didn't want to be judged. I spent years feeling weak and less than because I was struggling with something that I felt I had no control over. I saw those around me living wonderful lives, lives that seemed worry free. I felt like something was "wrong" with me. It's important to know that it is okay to reach out for help. Everyone has their struggles. Everyone has their battles and finding someone to help you doesn't mean that you're less of a person. I feel like therapy or counseling is essential to growth and healing. So many of us are going through life with traumas that we haven't dealt with. So many of us are battling anxiety and depression a massive scale. Yes, society is starting to really open doors and shine light on mental health and healing but so much more needs to be done. If you're scared to take that step towards healing, don't be. I'm not saying that counseling or therapy is the end all be all cure for this. However, it has helped me in tremendous ways. I'm no longer afraid to speak about anxiety and I'm no longer ashamed. I accept this part of me. Do I still have my days? Of course, but I also know that I will get through it. I have the tools and support to do so.
Are you dealing with anxiety? What are some ways that help you on a day to day basis? Until next time, sending you love and light!
Tiffany Underwood - Certified Health Coach - Postpartum Support
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