
For some reason I was under the impression that once my oldest daughter turned 18 things would get "easier". Not to say that parenthood has been hard, who am I kidding, it's been hard, not always, but any parent knows there are good days and bad days. Just when you think you have this parenting thing down, something happens and you question your entire life and everything you thought you knew.
Parenting an adult is similar to that moment you get home after you've given birth. I think a lot of the world feels that the only time you really need help with your children is in the very early stages. You have all of the guidance during pregnancy, doctors appointments, support galore, and then just like that you're on your own. No road map, no manual, just you trying to figure it out as you go. Finding that balance has created some anxiety. She's 19 now.
Legally she can move out, get her own place, run her own household, be free to basically do what she pleases. Have I created a young adult that is capable of going out into society and functioning to her fullest capacity? Did I teach her as much as I could about finances, investing, and saving? What do I do if/when she comes to me and tells me she is indeed ready to get out and try this thing called life without me? Where do I fit into her life now? So many questions and concerns. So many fears and what ifs.
The thing is, while they are fully responsible for themselves, that responsibility that you had doesn't just go away.Some parents have that mindset that once their child is 18, that's it, get out and make a living and life for yourself. However, I don't feel that way. I find myself worrying more about her when she walks out the door to hang out with her friends. I check my phone more now than I did when she was younger and away. When she does her check ins I'm more grateful to see those texts or calls.
In the world today, there is so much going on. I pray that I taught her to choose her friends wisely. When I see news articles about young women like Shanqulla Robinson and Zkira Kemp, my heart stops for a moment. My prayers go out to their families. I too have a young adult daughter who wants to go out and explore the world with her "friends". I think about how evil people can be. I pray daily for protection over all of my girls but I say an extra prayer for my oldest.
My role has shifted from showing and telling her what needs to be done, to supporting the decisions she makes even if I don't agree with them. The way the world has changed in regards to finances, dating, and jobs, I'm increasingly concerned about things. Will she be able to support herself? Does she know that no matter what I will be here for her? As each day goes by I'm learning that there is no one way to go about this. I'm also learning that even if we've been doing things one way, if things need to change, then we can. My goal is to maintain mutual respect and love between the both of us. While she still has problems washing the dishes in a timely manner, I think we are doing well.
She still comes to my room to sit in bed with me to talk about her day and life events. She hugs me more, she's more helpful with her sisters. I think I did something right. Time will tell. All we can do is take it one day at a time because there's no one size fits all method. Any parents of adult children? Share your thoughts and experiences!
Until next time, sending you peace, love and light!
Tiffany Underwood - Certified Birth and Postpartum Doula - Certified Childbirth Educator
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