I have to be 100% honest. I didn't want to be a mother. My goal was to grow up, become an architect and live happily ever after. Well, I ended up getting pregnant with my now 20 year old daughter, when I was 18. I was terrified when I found out but something inside me wanted to have her. When I saw her little face, fingers, and toes on Christmas Eve of 2003, my feelings were even more solidified. As I held her and she stared into my eyes, I knew I had made the right decision. I was instantly in love and I was also officially a mom. A total of four children later and the journey has been a roller coaster.
Some days have been absolutely wonderful. Other days, I'm trying to figure out how we're all making it. Being a mom doesn't come with a handbook and no one warns you about how this journey will go. Motherhood is something that you can never quite prepare for. Of course you have your elders that are parents and try to insert their experience here and there, while there may be similarities, everyone's journey is different. As a mom of four girls, ages 20, 12, 7, and 3, I can tell you that learning to embrace motherhood was not easy for me at all. I had to learn to let go of the idea of what I thought motherhood should be and just let it be what is it.
Here are three tips to embrace motherhood
Embracing motherhood means saying yes to one more round of UNO, even when you don't want to. Do you know how important giving your time to your child or children is? Better yet, do you know how limited that time is? My 7 year old always wants to play another round of UNO or Old Maid. She wants to play the game of Life one more time. Even though sometimes I feel like there are "better" things to do with my time, I've realized that, giving her this time means the world to her. I've also learned that this time goes by fast. Her oldest sister is 20 and doesn't have time to play these games anymore. So play with them for just a few more minutes because it matters to them and the day will come when their time will be spent doing other things when all you want is for them to spend a minutes with you.
2. Embracing motherhood means following your dreams while not letting them consume you. Hear me out. If you have a dream, definitely follow up! Don't let motherhood stop you from accomplishing goals that you feel are important to you. However, don't neglect being a mom. It's so easy to get caught up in our careers and aspirations that we are less available for our children. Remember, they are small for such a short time. I'm guilty of feeling like I need to just go, go, go, accomplish, accomplish, accomplish! But you have to remember, being a mom is your priority. Find that balance and create a space for both. I work full time, I'm a doula and I still make sure I'm present for my girls. It can be done.
3. Embracing motherhood means letting go. This one has been extremely hard for me. I have control issues. I'm not afraid to say it. I want to be able to plan and have things go a certain way. I'm not saying you can't plan but you also need to be open to things not going how you thought they would. You have to be willing to choose your battles. Everyone may not have their baths by 8 pm and in bed by 9 every night. Everyone may not want what you cook for dinner. You may not be able to fold all the laundry in one day or wash every dish in the sink. Remember, this is okay! This too shall pass and if you really think about it, allowing these out of sync events allows us to be human! We aren't perfect.
Motherhood is raw, motherhood is real! It is one of the most rewarding things ever, while also being one of the hardest things ever. Hearing my 20 year old tell me she loves me with her whole heart, or receiving kisses from my 12 year old and having her tell me that she's proud to have me as a mom, while my 3 three year old snuggles me before bed, and my 7 year old runs to me with open arms after school, makes it more than worth it!
How has motherhood been for you? Please share you experience! Until next time, sending you peace, love, and light!
Tiffany Underwood
Certified Birth and Postpartum Doula
Childbirth Educator
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